Hello everybody. This your new PR Officer sussing out the website. That is all.

Written by Torie, Kate, Simon and Renee.
To be sung to drunkenly played guitar and the tune of Tracy Chapman's "Baby Can I Hold You"

Sorry
We're fucking off next year
Six Bluff Cups and yet
We still can't debate
So forgive us, cos we're useless

Emma
Eyes upon the road
Cars don't drive themselves
You don't get off easily
Ask Jono, or Max

And you can say Cliffy
Take me to the hospital tonight
Stay away from Valentine and mirrors
Oooh with some dettol, you'll be fine

Freshers
They're all Renee can score
Fifth year and still a whore
Pants come down easily
Ask Laura, and Charlie

And you can say Jesse
Who will you be holding tonight?
We can't keep our hands off each other
Ask Kate and Simon
[insert list of hook ups here]
Ooooh we are filthy, but what good times!

I love you
We'll at least score drunkenly
On the dancefloor at KCs
Or upstairs at the Cook
Or the treehouse, or R'totos

And you can say Tui
Twenty dollar special tonight
Cos we got kicked out of the Asian
Oooh I need wontons, I'm full of wine

Claytons
The bus ride of my life
I've lost the will to live
Charlie B's is shithouse
And I'm tired, and hungover

And you can say debsoc
Debsoc will you hold us tonight?
Debsoc can we tell you we love you
Oooh and we'll miss you, but you'll be fine.
And you can say debsoc
Debsoc will you hold us tonight?
Debsoc can we tell you we love you
Oooh and we'll miss you, but you'll be fine.

The much anticipated moot is:

"That brash deserves the bash", side to be decided by toss of a coin before the debate.

As for the rules and who adjudicates it is as follows:
* Speeches will be 7-9 minutes, replies 3-5
* To be eligible to win the debate the team debating must have completed their crate by the end of the replies (there is no need for proportional drinking, ie Nick can drink half the crate and Jono and Will a quarter each)
* In the very unlikely event that neither team achieves this then the stalemate is to be broken by the teams having a boat race through the rest of their crate to decide the winner. (a boat race is where one person skulls as much as they can and when they stop the next person picks up where they left off until it is all completed)

Now to make sure all are involved in the festivities this is how the adjudication panel will be selected:
* All in attendance will be allocated/choose a group of three to be in.
* Each group of three has one dozen (not a crate as we want even a group of three with the drinking ability of pee wee herman to finish in the time of the debate) allocated to them. The group of three to FIRST complete their dozen are to be the adjudication panel. Beer must be the drink sorry, as even though other types of alcohol may have the same amount of standard drinks, less fluid required to be consumed would reuslt in a loss of parity. [Oh Jono, your dedication to equality is admirable.]
* When your group of three completes Their dozen, even if mid speech they are required to yell as a sign of completion “DRUNKO” (a very cheap impersonation of bingo)

Any queries to Jono at jono.willis@xtra.co.nz

The best thing about this list is that it was written several years ago but the points are still valid. Except the one about the debating baby... Ben and Ros took the cake on that one about a year ago. Weird.

THE DOs AND DON’Ts OF DEBATES
* DO research the topic before the debate. It doesn't really take that long and it's amazing how much more you can find to say.

* DO squirrel the topic if it really stinks, but only to something believable like an entrenched Bill of Rights and Judical Strikedown.

* DO squirrel the topic if it's meant to be funny but isn't. But only to something that's actually funnier.

* DON'T take on a really small onus, unless you're from Vic. It's boring.

* DON'T shaft your team members unless you think it would be funny.

* DO make use of whiteboards to draw diagrams, even if they aren't necessary.

* DO use props. Extra points are awarded.

* DO make your entire speech in interpretive dance. Everyone LOVES interpretive dance.

* DO lie in debates. Mostly people can't tell, not even well-researched debaters. Unless it's a ridiculous claim, like ‘smoking causes lung cancer’.

* DON'T rustle paper loudly in other people's speeches. It pisses me off.

* DON'T point out to the panel of adjudicators in the final that you are one of only two people in the room who know how to debate. Especially when in a three person team.

* DO try to stay within your time limits. If speeches are 8-10, no one wants to hear you speak for 20 minutes. Unless what you've got to say is directions to a party at your house.

* DON'T pin the adjudicator against the wall if you disagree with the decision.


GENERAL DEBATING SOCIETY DOs AND DON'Ts AT HOME AND ABROAD.

* DON'T worry about having enough money to eat or get home. Something will come up, so spend all your money now. [At the bar. On me.]

* DON'T drink and drive. Or take drugs and drive. Or drive with someone on the bonnet of your car.

* DO write down your name and a responsible person's contact phone number before you go out. It could be useful when you wake up or find yourself locked out at 4 am. [Crucially, take the piece of paper with you when you go out.]

* DO sing karaoke. Even if you don't know the song. But there's never EVER a need to line dance. not even in jest.

* DON'T bother to run if you can hide.

* DO tell debaters everything. We can't keep secrets, but you'll find that once you have nothing to hide you're a happy and carefree individual.

* DON'T be sober just because everyone else is. If you want to be drunk, it's your choice, and anyone who doesn't respect that can get stuffed.

* DO learn how to make a variety of animal noises. It could be useful some day.

* DO attach a variety of poultry to ceiling fans in restaurants. It makes for good stories.

* DO steal interesting stuff. You can sell it, or if it's worthless, make trophies out of it.

* DON'T have lectures on Wednesdays if you can help it. They tend to follow too close after Tuesday nights.

* DO carry a toothbrush if you have any respect for oral hygiene whatsoever.

* DON'T name animals after debaters you know. Especially sick animals.

* DO remove warning signs from construction sites. Holes are dug to be fallen into - you're helping them realise their potential. Signs can be used to decorate flats.

* DON'T wear flammable clothing to the backpackers. The places you stay in are certified fire hazards. You'd be better off not sleeping. Stay out all night. Sleep is for the dead.

* DO BYO kegs to any restaurant that will let you.

* DO stay in school.School is a great place to find hot young talent.

* DO purchase drinks for other debaters, especially if they are older or bigger and therefore clearly wiser than yourself.

* DO go out and have fun before the final, even if you are in it. It's not all about winning, it's also about people and fun. There's such a thing as taking it too seriously.

* DO sleep on other people's sofas at every opportunity. You meet more people this way.

* DO say ‘thank you’. And ‘please’ if it is appropriate.

* DON'T score or sleep with any member of your team, campus, any debater past or present or any person at all you may have met in the context of debating - even if their name is Eric and they're a charming 30 year old mini-German who brings out all the best lines ("Guess how old I am? I'm 30, shall we kiss now or later?")

* DO disagree with Superjohn on this point if you wish to, and score as many debaters as you possibly can. In fact, invent a scoreboard system, rewarding people for debauchery at tournaments. It makes life far more interesting.

* DO try to have music playing at all times. Even if you have to use your shoelaces to hang a stereo from the roof of a bus. Music provides a soundtrack for the event to unfold to.

* DO drink beer on the roof of your University Union. That's what you pay your building levy for.

* DO get society members voted to important positions. You can embezzle more money this way. [Currently 4 debaters are on OUSA, who gives us money. Mmmm, money.]

* DON'T live with other debaters: you'll end you playing "Security Council" at the supermarket, and deciding who does the dishes via a Cost-Benefit Analysis.

* DO welcome law students into the society with open arms. They'll have money one day, and until then they can give useful advice on dodging law suits for tax fraud, narcotics possession, breaking and entering and anything else that might happen to come up.

* DO welcome arts students into the society. Many of them have no debating skills but some have interesting if not constructive contributions to make.

* DO welcome science students into the society. They're good for actual facts when you run out of lies.

* DO marry a debater. We're yet to see a debating marriage and it would be too funny for words. Do it just so we can laugh. Go on. In fact, while you're at it, have a debating baby.

Bad luck... you know you're a genuine debater if:

* You watch the news with your flatmates just so you can start arguments about current affairs.

* You take the word ‘onus’ much, much too seriously.

* You’ve had your shafting technique commended by an independent adjudicator.

* You asked your ex for their ‘criteria’ when they said they’d decided to dump you…

* …Their reply was “You argue too much and you’re always drunk”…

* …and you then you asked them for their causal links.

* You consider karaoke to be a normal and legitimate way to pass the time.

* You’ve been asked to “show your split more clearly.”

* You address four of your friends as “Ladies and Gentlemen”…

* …at least five times every minute.

* You don’t see the problem in saying that “us” can mean “Eskimos, women, and/or the elderly” when it suits you.

* You consider 22-year-olds to be both ‘old’ and ‘crusty’…

* ...but you score them anyway.

* The Easter Bunny didn’t visit you last Easter, because at the time you were off your face, staggering around an unfamiliar city smashing mirrors and singing Cat Stevens tunes with people you’d met that afternoon.

* You think that the word “Squirrel” is a verb.

* You don’t have dinner on Tuesdays because “eating is cheating”.

* You don’t think it’s a real restaurant unless they’d at least let you BYO a crate of Tui.

* You know that “short, witty, and to the point” describes more than just Bart Simpson.

* When normal people hear someone say “Massey”, they just think of sheep. But you think of Remus first. But then you think of sheep anyway. And then somehow you end up thinking about Remus and sheep. So then you just stop thinking.

* You know all of the social, economic, environmental and political ramifications of deforestation, but you couldn’t cut a tree down, or even trim a hedge, to save yourself.

* No matter what someone says, you make whatever it was sound really stupid – just because you can.

* You know that it’s never ‘stealing’, because it’s ‘borrowing’. Or ‘liberating’. Or ‘souveniring’. Or whatever.

* When someone sees you in your Easters hoodie and ask you what sport you play, you instinctively say something cool, like "Rugby League" and enter into a diatribe about the merits of the 40/20 rule.