The best thing about this list is that it was written several years ago but the points are still valid. Except the one about the debating baby... Ben and Ros took the cake on that one about a year ago. Weird.

THE DOs AND DON’Ts OF DEBATES
* DO research the topic before the debate. It doesn't really take that long and it's amazing how much more you can find to say.

* DO squirrel the topic if it really stinks, but only to something believable like an entrenched Bill of Rights and Judical Strikedown.

* DO squirrel the topic if it's meant to be funny but isn't. But only to something that's actually funnier.

* DON'T take on a really small onus, unless you're from Vic. It's boring.

* DON'T shaft your team members unless you think it would be funny.

* DO make use of whiteboards to draw diagrams, even if they aren't necessary.

* DO use props. Extra points are awarded.

* DO make your entire speech in interpretive dance. Everyone LOVES interpretive dance.

* DO lie in debates. Mostly people can't tell, not even well-researched debaters. Unless it's a ridiculous claim, like ‘smoking causes lung cancer’.

* DON'T rustle paper loudly in other people's speeches. It pisses me off.

* DON'T point out to the panel of adjudicators in the final that you are one of only two people in the room who know how to debate. Especially when in a three person team.

* DO try to stay within your time limits. If speeches are 8-10, no one wants to hear you speak for 20 minutes. Unless what you've got to say is directions to a party at your house.

* DON'T pin the adjudicator against the wall if you disagree with the decision.


GENERAL DEBATING SOCIETY DOs AND DON'Ts AT HOME AND ABROAD.

* DON'T worry about having enough money to eat or get home. Something will come up, so spend all your money now. [At the bar. On me.]

* DON'T drink and drive. Or take drugs and drive. Or drive with someone on the bonnet of your car.

* DO write down your name and a responsible person's contact phone number before you go out. It could be useful when you wake up or find yourself locked out at 4 am. [Crucially, take the piece of paper with you when you go out.]

* DO sing karaoke. Even if you don't know the song. But there's never EVER a need to line dance. not even in jest.

* DON'T bother to run if you can hide.

* DO tell debaters everything. We can't keep secrets, but you'll find that once you have nothing to hide you're a happy and carefree individual.

* DON'T be sober just because everyone else is. If you want to be drunk, it's your choice, and anyone who doesn't respect that can get stuffed.

* DO learn how to make a variety of animal noises. It could be useful some day.

* DO attach a variety of poultry to ceiling fans in restaurants. It makes for good stories.

* DO steal interesting stuff. You can sell it, or if it's worthless, make trophies out of it.

* DON'T have lectures on Wednesdays if you can help it. They tend to follow too close after Tuesday nights.

* DO carry a toothbrush if you have any respect for oral hygiene whatsoever.

* DON'T name animals after debaters you know. Especially sick animals.

* DO remove warning signs from construction sites. Holes are dug to be fallen into - you're helping them realise their potential. Signs can be used to decorate flats.

* DON'T wear flammable clothing to the backpackers. The places you stay in are certified fire hazards. You'd be better off not sleeping. Stay out all night. Sleep is for the dead.

* DO BYO kegs to any restaurant that will let you.

* DO stay in school.School is a great place to find hot young talent.

* DO purchase drinks for other debaters, especially if they are older or bigger and therefore clearly wiser than yourself.

* DO go out and have fun before the final, even if you are in it. It's not all about winning, it's also about people and fun. There's such a thing as taking it too seriously.

* DO sleep on other people's sofas at every opportunity. You meet more people this way.

* DO say ‘thank you’. And ‘please’ if it is appropriate.

* DON'T score or sleep with any member of your team, campus, any debater past or present or any person at all you may have met in the context of debating - even if their name is Eric and they're a charming 30 year old mini-German who brings out all the best lines ("Guess how old I am? I'm 30, shall we kiss now or later?")

* DO disagree with Superjohn on this point if you wish to, and score as many debaters as you possibly can. In fact, invent a scoreboard system, rewarding people for debauchery at tournaments. It makes life far more interesting.

* DO try to have music playing at all times. Even if you have to use your shoelaces to hang a stereo from the roof of a bus. Music provides a soundtrack for the event to unfold to.

* DO drink beer on the roof of your University Union. That's what you pay your building levy for.

* DO get society members voted to important positions. You can embezzle more money this way. [Currently 4 debaters are on OUSA, who gives us money. Mmmm, money.]

* DON'T live with other debaters: you'll end you playing "Security Council" at the supermarket, and deciding who does the dishes via a Cost-Benefit Analysis.

* DO welcome law students into the society with open arms. They'll have money one day, and until then they can give useful advice on dodging law suits for tax fraud, narcotics possession, breaking and entering and anything else that might happen to come up.

* DO welcome arts students into the society. Many of them have no debating skills but some have interesting if not constructive contributions to make.

* DO welcome science students into the society. They're good for actual facts when you run out of lies.

* DO marry a debater. We're yet to see a debating marriage and it would be too funny for words. Do it just so we can laugh. Go on. In fact, while you're at it, have a debating baby.